Blog entry title: ONE MORE GLIMPSE BEHIND.
date written: March 29, 2007. one day before the freakin' graduation day.
song playing on: "now my life is blessed with the love of an angel, how can it be true? somebody who keep the dream alive, the dream i found in you."- heaven by your side.
wow.
antagal ko na rin nde nakapagupdate. as usual, yung promise kong continuation ng last entry ko, ndi ko na naman natuloy dahil sa sobrang hectican ng sched. nakakaiyak. hahaha. ang daming pressures. ang daming responsibilities. ang daming priorities.
+Grad practices.
+family. (dumating na nga si ate from u.s... ayun, kelangan bigyan ng time. dapat.)
+corinthian. (weekend! takte. todo tampo na si choobi sakin. malaking responsibilidad ang pagteteenlead. )
+friends.(nagtatampo na ang kampong stb. wah. )
+PMS. (i need to be with them. lapit na grad.)
+sarili ko. (xempre. marami pa kong priorities sa sarili ko.)
+superman. (boyfriend. xempre pa. )
ayon.
jampakk. ang hirap diba?. pero xempre, kinakaya.
masaya mabuhay e.
sabi nga, "the juice had worth the entire squeeze."
madrama nga pla yung last entry ko noh?. ang ganda nun eh. naiyak kaya ako dun. oh well, ganun ko talaga kamahal yang si superman. after naman ng madramang moment namin, ayun.. okei na kmi ngayon. he showed me a very big change, he showed me na hindi lang pala ako ung gstong magsave sa sinking boat, sa aming sinking relationship. once again, ung fairytale namin na muntik na mag-end, was saved. -again. xempre dahil yun kay Lord, na from the very beginning until now, nde kami pinapabayaan, kahit na alam ko at alam namin na lagi kaming nagkukulang.
masaya naman kami ngayon, ineenjoy yung natitirang mga araw bago kami magkahiwa-hiwalay. nakakalungkot yun isipin, kasi pareho kaming unaware kung anong mangyayari..
dialogue box. (namiss ko toh.)
v: tol?
a: uhm. bakit?
v: *sigh* promise mo ako lang nanjan. *turo ng heart ko.*
a: uu naman. bakit mo yun nasabi?
v: basta. ayan nagpromise ka na.
a: (confused.) huh? ah.. oo. bsta magpromise ka din.
v: yan.
a: mahal kita, tol.
v: mas mahal kita.
a: ang selfish mo naman! dapat pareho.
(isang malupit na hug.)
aw.
isa pang usapang madrama.
v: grabeh.
a: huh? baket??
v: iloveyou tol.
a: iloveyou ren.
v: ayaw na kita pakawalan.
a: *blush* okay! ako rin.
v: kaw lang minahal ko ng ganito. wag mu yun kakalimutan.
a: (ayaw papatalo) ako rin naman ah.
v: malamang ako first mo e. baliw. hehe. :)
*waw. ansaya.*
...to be continued. . . .
flew into your heart at [1:49 AM]
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blog entry title: AGAIN.
Date written: March 15 2007.
Song playing on: "Its been too long and im lost without you." - AALiYAh, I miss you.
wooh. takteng yan. after almost 3 long months,nakapagblog din ako. ulit.
namiss ko toh.
spending my extra hours expressing my emotions, my feelings, my life, my fairytale. my story.
maxado akong naging occupied lately, to the extent na hindi na talaga ako nakakapagblog- something that will always be my comfort zone.
sa loob ng 3 months, sobrang dami nang mga bagay na nangyari sa kin, samin. you might not even believe it that i've made it through. 3 months would not be that long, if not for the trials and struggles that i've faced. sometimes, alone. sometimes, with him. waah. mejo ngging mdrama na naman ako. i just can't help it. pang-teleserye nga ang fairytale ko. Kung ung first few parts ng blog ko, super happy. ngayon, narealizew ko na i cant really have it all. balanse ang mundo. after the happiness, there goes the sad part of the cycle. Swerte lang nung iba kasi after the hardships, chaka nila naeexperience yung saya. While me on the other side, nahihirapan sa realidad. I'm trying to appreciate all the things that had made me happy, that had made me smile. Pero dahil nga sa super heavy struggles, mahirap maging happy, kahit sandali lng.
hayy. problema. buhay.
pasenxa na kung mejo madrama agad ung comeback ko. kalungkot noh? pero sad lang talaga ako ngayon. ewan ko ba, pero sad lang talaga. :( di naman super sad, pero di ko masasabi na kahit papano, masaya ako ngayon.
nwei, kamustahan na lang m,una ngayon. nasa computer shop lang kasi ako, hinihintay ko sila classmates magdota. nde na pala ko nagdodota ngayon, nakakatamad na e. lagi naman kasi ako pinapatulan. hmpf. hehe. :)
kamusta na nga pla si ananix after 3 months?
ako? eto. buhay pa rin. humihinga. nabubuhay.
I've been through lots of stuffs lately. Stuffs that had made me strong, things that did teach me lessons, and struggles that kept me from moving on. hayy. musta na si superman? ayun, 4th monthsary na namin sa sunday. At sad to say, parang ndi kami naggrow. Parang. ayoko na magsalita.
I still love him, wala pa rin namang nagbabago sa feelings ko for my boyfriend. Pero, things had been hard for me. ewan ko sa kanya, pero sa akin, definitely. Napapadalas na yung mga tampuhan namin, oo cge. i admit it, sa kin lagi nanggagaling yung tampo, dahil na rin sa mga actions niya na hindi ko talaga maintindihan. You know me, i know myself. I'm an understanding being, i've been an unselfish girfriend. super selfless, to the point na i won't care to mind my own feelings. I love giving way, because i think that it will always be the best expression of love. Pero right now, my patience is being tested. I just can't understand him. No matter what i do, i just can't. I'm really trying my best to see his points, nakikiramdam na lang ako, kasi hindi naman xa nagsasalita. That's how our relationship goes right now. Nangangapa ako. kung nasasaktan ko xa, its up to me to feel it. he won't care to tell. Kapag ako naman ung nasasaktan, he won't bother to ask me. He just stand still, waiting for me to open up my sentiments. At after ko naman gawin un, ayon. Makikinig lang xa. Tapos nun, tapos na.
Kung pagmamahal lang rin naman ang basehan para ipagpatuloy pa namin yung naumpisahan naming super sayang relationship, then we could really make it. pero the things that happen right now,its more than love. Mahal na mahal ko talaga xa, kaya lang its seems that he can't feel it. At minsan, nararamdaman ko, na he don't really appreciate that love. At bat ganun? hindi ko rin naman alam.
Ang hirap, sobra. i'm now caught in the middle of nowhere, where i wished i know where to go, where i wished i know what to do. Nakakalungkot lang talaga isipin na may mga bagay pa rin kaming dapat isettle. At hindi ko alam kung papano issesettle yung mga bagay na yon. Kung may time pa para samin, to start things all over again, o kahit naman itama lang yung mga pagkukulang ng bawat isa sa amin. i admit may mga pagkukulang din ako. sana, xa rin. matanggap niya na nagkukulang xa. yun lang, palaisipan para sakin kung matatanggap niya yun. mapride si superman. patang superhero talaga. pero ibang definition ng pride. si superman na superhero, fights for his pride and honor. e ung bf ko. mapride. tapos.
i wanna save this sinking relationship.
para kaming nasa loob ng isang bangkang palubog na. na kahit gustong gusto mong ausin yung sira,ung butas sa bangka, you can do nothing. wala ka nang ibang magagawa kundi panoorin, at hintayin ang unti unting paglubog ng bankang iyon, kasama ka, kasama siya.
"sana tumagal tayo."
these words came out from his mouth last week. na kahit papano, nagbigay ng konting relieved sa akin. at assurance na rin na we could be happy again. At hanggang ngayon, nainiwala pa rin ako na we could still fix everything. Pagsubok lang to. Pagsubok lamang.
Hayy.
Kadramahan. pero, wala akong choice. reality check.
lapit na graduation, isa na namang bittersweet moment para sa akin, at sa lahat ng batchmates.
enough of the drama, i'll update na lang if i will have my extra time, lalo na sa batangas. magbabatangas kami sa weekend, a channel para naman makapagisip isip ako ng konti. it may be a haven for relaxation, or reflection talaga. Reflection kung sino na ba ako ngayon, at kung ano ano ng mga bagay ang nagpapatatag sa akin, ngayon.
sa weekend, wala ako. first monthsary namin ni superman na hindi kami magkasama na magceclebrate. would it be a sign na talagang this should all end here? wag. ayoko bitiwan kung anong meron kami. i do love him. kaya hanggang ngayon, lumalaban pa rin ako.
di ako takot na mawalan in the end. kasi alam ko naman na marami pang taong mas nakakaapreciate sakin. sa kaya kong ibigay, sa kung sino ako, at kung anong meron sa akin. pero, ang mahirap dun, ndi un ung dahilan kung bat ayokong bumitiw. we made a promise, kahit nung hindi pa kami, na watever happens, walang bibitiw. And i think i should live to that promise, until the very end. even if there's no more reasons left for me to continue loving. And when that time comes, it will be the greatest expression of love. It will be the most wonderful measurement of love, though it will be the most painful one. ndi yun pagiging martir, its just that you love a person too much. Mahirap mag-go on kapag wala xa. Its just like he's already a part of you, a part of your body. If it will not function, life would be oh-so-hard. ANd living every day will always be a sacrifice.
geh. times up.
till my next entry.
can still smile. :)
swear.
+AnANix+
flew into your heart at [1:46 AM]
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